Shame: The Greatest Challenge to Identity

In Continental Divide, Alex Mayer emphasized Ron’s feeling of inadequacy and failure.
Several times in the book, Ron mentioned how he always felt like a disappointment and
that everything he touched became worse. For example, the first words he says to Cassie
when they reunite is “I’m sorry” because he blames himself for circumstances beyond his
control. In other words, he is the problem, rather than his actions. Ultimately, Mayer tries
to highlight the biggest hurdle for transgender individuals to overcome: shame.

Ron’s battle with shame touched me on a deeply personal level. From my first day of preschool,
until the my last day of fifth grade, everyone (both teachers and classmates) knew me as the “fat kid.”
I was always the last kid picked for any athletic competition, I lost every race (the be-all-end-all of
elementary school), and I developed issues with my gait because of my weight. Yet, I lived in
blissful ignorance until my first wake-up call: my fourth grade fall mile-run fitness test. After
limping to a last place finish, I ran over to the fence surrounding the track, and I vomited from
exhaustion. 

After that awful day, I became more cognizant of my weight, but nothing really changed in my
life. The trip with my dad to North Conway during the summer before sixth grade was the straw
that broke the camel's back. We stayed with his girlfriend’s lovely family, and I hung out with the
other kids. They were lean, athletic, and coordinated young kids, while I still struggled to tie my
own shoes. One day, we all went swimming in Diana’s Baths, a well known water-fall and
swimming area; I still remember the look of absolute disgust on the faces of the other kids.
I immediately ran to my dad and his girlfriend with tears in my eyes, and I still have yet to feel
as miserable as I felt on that day. 

Ultimately, akin to both Ron and Alex Mayer, I overcame my individual struggle and became
a better person as a result of it. By the end of sixth grade, I lost nearly fifty pounds and became
one of the best cross-country runners in New Hampshire. However, my own personal struggle
with shame offered me a greater sense of appreciation for Alex Mayer’s incredible journey.